Twenty fifteen has been the year of the hard lessons. It’s also been a year full of growth and change. Maybe you can’t have one without the other. I don’t know. But when the ball dropped in 2014, my wildest dreams couldn’t have predicted how this year would end up.
At the start of 2015, my sweet babe was just 4 months old. I was still pretty thick in the postpartum phase and the days were so very long. My older babes were 11 and 9, both good ages. My hubby was still home with us during the days and it was wonderful to have him here. Even though the end of 2014 was pretty rocky, 2015 started well and I had high hopes for an easy year. Even though we didn’t really know what we were doing or where we’d end up, we knew we’d all do it together. I was excited for the new year.
As the spring came and the baby got older, things began falling into more of a rhythm and we were doing just fine. We were happy and had plans and dreams and goals that seemed to be falling into place. Until they weren’t. And they didn’t. Hard lessons came one after the other. I learned that even though I’m pretty level-headed, I can be very naive. I suppose I’ve just always assumed that most people are good, honest, and kind; and that if I was willing to work hard and be nice, I would get the same in return. I tend to see the good in people, even when I shouldn’t. And that
makes made me naive. My glasses aren’t so rosy colored anymore. I don’t trust like I once did. Not in business, not in friendships, and certainly not with my family. Maybe I’m jaded, but if this year taught me anything, it’s that people aren’t always what they seem. Life can be a cruel teacher, and this lesson was soul crushing.
In spite of the bad times this year, and there were a lot, the biggest lesson I learned is that God’s timing is not my own. I’ve learned to trust God and lean on Him on the hard days, but also on the good ones. Even though I’m not where I thought I’d be on the last day of 2015, I believe that God has a bigger and better plan than any of my own. I’ve learned that I don’t have all of the answers. In fact, I have very few. I’m trying to learn that it’s ok to not know. That’s a lesson I’m still learning.
When 2015 ends in just a few hours, I will be hanging out with my little family. I imagine we will watch the ball drop, just like last year. We will laugh and celebrate and talk about our goals for the new year, but I won’t forget what 2015 taught me. All of the lessons, big and small, were mine to learn and I’ll use them to go into 2016 wiser, stronger, and ready to face whatever is next.