In my last post, I talked about five of the reasons I’m not a very good friend. Those reasons are still all true, but some of the things that make me a bad friend actually make me a pretty ok mom.
Sure, I’m super introverted, but that means I really like to hang out at home. I enjoy spending time with my little family and I’m never more relaxed than when I’m snug in my own house. That’s a good thing, since I stay at home and homeschool the kids. I think it would be even harder to be a stay-at-home mom if I weren’t so happy just being home with the kids. Being a mom makes being introverted not such a bad thing.
Of course, being home with these children is why I am so very tired, but I’m only tired because I’m so busy being a mama to them. My exhaustion is proof that I spend my days playing, reading, cooking, snuggling, nursing (yes, still), teaching, cleaning, and loving these babes. Being tired may make me more likely to be a bad friend, but it’s evidence that I’m a good mama.
Being insecure is kind of like breathing for me. It’s just part of who I am. My kids don’t know or care about my self-esteem. They aren’t spending their days looking for my faults, even though they do occasionally like to point them out. They’re far more interested in what I can do for them…and that’s pretty much everything. Maybe not so much for the older two, because they are getting to be pretty independent, but yes, pretty much everything for the baby. As long as I’m meeting their needs and loving on them, they just don’t really care about my feelings. And that’s a pretty good thing for me. I don’t have to hide my true self from them. They love me just because I’m the mama.
As much as I may not be dependable to people outside my family, here at home I’m a rock. I’m here. I show up. Every single day, I’m the one who is taking care of everyone. If they’re sad, or sick, or grouchy, I make them feel better. I make sure they’re fed and I even give them healthy food. Green smoothies are my method of choice because everyone loves them, they’re super nutritious, and I can relax and turn my head the rest of the day while the baby eats goldfish off the floor. It’s awesome. I’m also the one who makes sure they’re clothed every day. Especially the baby, because if you turn your head for a second, he’s peeing in the closet. He has to be fully dressed at all times. Trust me on that.
And every day I make sure they’re learning, growing, and turning into pretty decent human beings. But more than all of that, I love them. They know I love them. They have no doubts about it. If you ask them how much mama loves them, they’ll tell you “more than the moon and the stars and the sky.” That’s how I know I’m doing pretty ok at this mom thing. And that’s really all I need to know.